Powerful

I might be late about this, but I've heard from conversations with different groups of friends about this video. I want to share it for those who haven't seen it yet. Meg Jay, a psychotherapist, discusses a topic that I have wrestled with since graduating college- how do I set myself up for a successful career? How do I make meaningful friendships and connections for both my personal and professional life?

Meg Jay gives a wonderful speech about how your 20s is a critical time period for your future adulthood. Now is the time to work on your career, relationships, experiences, etc. Don't wait until the last minute (i.e., when you're turning 30), thinking that you will magically have it figured out by then. She not only describes the feelings and situations that many millenials in their 20s might be having, but she also gives some useful advice. I especially appreciated her advice on accruing "identity capital" and utilizing our "weak ties".  See the video below, and hopefully some of you find it helpful!

Do more. Make it count.

My year "off"

This year has been my year "off". Yes, I'm referring to the period of time most people associate with unemployment and unproductiveness. But in my perspective, life continues whether you are employed or not. Rather than seeing this year as the year where the trajectory of my career took a dip or placed on pause, I saw it as an opportunity to learn and experience other aspects of life that may eventually help shape my future. As I've mentioned in a previous post, I believe that everyone is an intermediate version of their final selves. We are constantly influenced by the people we surround ourselves with, experiences, and perspective; thus, making us malleable, organic, and (more importantly) unique pieces of artwork. This year, especially, has definitely provided insights that have made me a different person than from the one I was almost a year ago.

One dominant influence that has shaped me this year was my work. I had the incredible opportunity to work with AANCART and C4-SPA4 coalitions to discuss with community leaders, physicians, and academics about the growing rates of late-stage cancer in the SPA4 district (downtown / Koreatown) of Los Angeles. We also came up with initiatives that we could develop collaboratively with the community in order to instill a sustainable solution to halt the growing cancer rates by providing greater healthcare resources and education. During my spare time from public health, I also tutored high school students in math and science for the academic year. Both experiences gave me opportunities to directly shape and mold other people's lives. That feeling when I see a student finally understanding a difficult concept, or when I see an elderly Hispanic woman's eyes looking relieved to find a cancer survivorship group that we formed, is the best feeling in the world. It was so easy for me to get lost in the theory and concepts behind textbooks / research, that I hardly ever felt what it was like to influence other people's lives. If you think about it, everyone's profession in one way or another affects someone else's. For me, I enjoy the idea of shaping someone's future potential. Being able to experience the moments when you directly see the results of your efforts is a feeling I will always remember, and use to motivate me in the future.

On a more personal level, I also took this extra time to work on my relationships. I recently realized that I have been rather selfish on my end of relationships. I, of course, support and care for God, family, and friends, but I have not been very good at it for several years. I would be there at times, and absent many other times in order to pursue my goals. My absence would, at times, lead to falling out, or not being there for the other person when he/she needed me. Consequently, I too felt extremely alone and not grounded. As a person who values the quality of a relationship over quantity, I wanted to rectify this issue immediately. I have reconnected with some old friends, and made a few new ones as well. I started to give more than I expected, and try to support the other person to the best of my abilities. Through this, I have so many great experiences to remember, and I have also discovered the people who would take the time out of their day to support me or lift my spirits / confidence no matter how busy they are.  Surrounding yourself with people who will lift you higher is very comforting and special, and I am so glad that I had the opportunity to work on my relationships and find a genuine support network of friends!

Being able to engage with old and new friends also transformed my idea of success. As someone who has gotten whatever I wanted (after putting in hard work of course), I thought that someone's trajectory of success was very linear- once you start making the right decisions, you are in an even better position to have successful outcomes. However, after meeting a diverse number of people and listening to their stories, I realized that my initial idea was not entirely applicable for everyone. I have met successful bankers, academics, and artists who have told me that they have failed many times in order to get to where they are today. I guess what makes a successful person stand out is their ability to persist. To me, this was the most important life-lesson that I got out of this year. I used to be (and still kind of am) a person who is afraid to make mistakes. I wanted to be perfect all the time, every time. But now, I shall embrace my mistakes / failures since learning from them will allow me to become even better at what I do. The success that follows after persistence will be even sweeter :)

I realize that this post is very general and almost aphoristic in tone (which usually isn't my style), but I really wanted to summarize some important key takeaways I got out of this year for myself. Hopefully some of you can relate to some or all of them!

The Working Life: Pursuing a successful career AND having a life?

With the blizzard "Nemo" raging on in the Northeast and LA having some cold rainstorms itself, today is one of those days where you just curl up in bed and read a good book all day.

Storm clouds. 2.8.13

Activity for the day: Reading "Satanic Verses" by Salman Rushdie

At one point in the afternoon, it hit me that I didn't do this often enough during college, and probably won't be able to in the near / distant future. By "this", I mean spending time for myself without worrying about work, school, or other obligations. The whole work-life balance issue is a topic of conversation that I have with several groups of people similar to my age. This issue certainly involves many factors, including a person's economic / financial and social situation. However, for those who are blessed to even have the opportunity to be on the path towards high-power, high-paying careers, a lot of us are beginning to wonder how to pursue successful careers without completely sacrificing our personal lives.

A common stereotype of Americans is that while we are very successful (monetarily), many of us are still dissatisfied with the quality of our lives. Many think this is the product from an American work culture. While putting in long hours into your job is a good thing, the American work culture puts this act on a pedestal (in my opinion). Yes, putting in long hours shows that you are dedicated and ambitious, but the typical American work culture seems to positively correlate the number of work hours to value creation linearly. I've talked to several people who have mentioned to me that they sometimes feel guilty for not working as many hours as some of their work peers, even when they got their tasks done. They fear that they may not be recognized for their work. These statements show that typical work places don't factor in efficiency. Work places may not also recognize that at a certain point, working long hours leads to stress and burnout, which ultimately can lead anyone to think less clearly, make poor decisions, and even develop health issues in the long run- all of which ironically affect career performance. Moreover, the work place also does not really factor in societal values. What if you are a woman, and you were thinking about starting a family? You would have to start putting in less hours, but does that mean women want their jobs any less than men do? Absolutely not. But in today's working culture, many of us, especially women, seem to have to choose which one we want more: a highly successful, demanding (yet rewarding!) career or a satisfactory career with a personal life.

I will take a moment here to mention that certain work places are becoming more aware of the importance of personal happiness for the efficiency of its employees (ie., Google). However, certain work cultures can only change so much. Medicine is one of them, and it will probably not change its work culture in the near future. Like many demanding jobs, the medical field is competitive and traditional, so if you don't put in your time you will be run over by another person who wants it just as badly as you do. I understand it takes lots of studying and training to be a good doctor (you don't want to cause more harm to a patient!), but you are still left with little time to yourself. Plus, many physicians' hours are dictated by their patients' needs. I'd like paint a realistic picture for what is to come for any aspiring / future doctor :

• After you finish medical school, you will have (on average) ~$200,000 worth of debt, which will accrue interest during your residency training
• You have to go through additional residency training after medical school, which lasts anywhere from ~3-8 years
• 1st-year residents get paid ~$50,000 (depending on specialty, could be + / -). Over the years, this salary will grow, but not by much. 8th-year residents get paid ~$67,000. As a point of reference, my first salary from consulting was worth more than an 8th-year resident's salary... (please don't take this as me bragging, just giving y'all a point of reference!)
• Residency training means long work hours. Officially, the AAMC and ACGME/AMA have put work limits an average of 80 hours / week over two week periods. However, certain training programs are allowed to increase these hours by 5-10% . I'm curious if most residency programs even follow these guidelines...

What I'm trying to say is that for the next decade of my life, I will be working long hours for a decent salary and little time for myself. Unlike business or law, medicine gives you the lowest return on your investments within ten years of graduation. If you have a demanding career, that gives you a lower immediate return on your investments and leaves you little time to spend for your personal life, do you anticipate feeling burnt-out  and dissatisfied at some point? Knowing myself, I know I will. As much as I am passionate about medicine / science, I also like to travel and find certain hobbies enjoyable / almost necessary for my happiness. Without some personal time to myself, I am unsure how happy I would be.

So now I end with questions that I have been wrestling with for the past couple of years- does wanting to have a personal life outside of my career make me selfish? Is wanting to have a personal life outside of my career a sign that this is not the right career choice? How do I be successful in my career while maintaining an enjoyable personal life?

Do you guys have similar thoughts? or advice?

Rejections

An inevitable part of the med school application cycle is dealing with rejection. It's understandable. When a school has to go through anywhere between ~5,000-10,000 applications for ~100 -150 spots for the incoming class, you better brace yourself for lots of rejections! Last week, I was rejected by several schools. The latest “purge” got me to thinking about rejections and failures in general (and maybe something we can all learn from). 

My feelings towards all these rejections are mixed. On the one hand, I came into the process fully aware that I will be rejected from many places. On the other hand, a couple of the rejections stung a bit because I actually thought I had a fighting chance to land an interview at least.Oddly, I'm actually grateful for these particular rejections.

Up until now, I guess life went the way I wanted it to. I worked hard to get the results / outcomes I wanted. I never had any doubts. However, once I started attending MIT, I got a little...complacent. Don't get me wrong; I was extremely humbled to be learning alongside brilliant minds and being taught by notable professors. I worked hard to keep up with everyone else, but I always relied on the excuse that MIT is almost "designed" to be harder than most other schools in the nation to make myself feel better when I didn't do as well on a test or when I didn't put the effort into a project when I knew I could do more. Even after graduating college, I landed that consulting job without too much stress.

But those couple of med school rejections that stung me gave me the serious wake-up call I needed. I've been complacent for way too long. The possibility that I couldn't get what I wanted even after putting in (what I thought were) my best efforts is scary. I have not felt that uncertainty or fear in a long time, and it's actually inspiring me to hustle and try harder than what I've done these past few years. I recently read a quote somewhere that says "I'm not telling you it's going to be easy; I'm telling you it's going to be worth it". This quote couldn't be more accurate for what is to come. Med school is a long, tough journey, but being a doctor is what I ultimately want to be. Interestingly, these rejections are reigniting my passion for medicine and encouraging me to face the challenges that are to come.

Hopefully my experiences with rejection can help you, because I honestly think this experience is applicable for anyone. If there's a goal / dream you want, find any possible way to get it. Don't be complacent. Stay humble, always remind yourself why you want it, and don't be discouraged by rejection / failure. We can do it guys!

Your Life is Your Message

Hope you had a great New Year! I guess the new year explains why I've been lately searching for something...inspirational? In my last post, I wrote down some goals I wanted to achieve or work on for this year. Rather than listing resolutions that I might not fully achieve, and later feel guilty about, I'd like to simply remind myself to live by a motto instead. Basically, just live life earnestly and to the fullest. I mean, that's the whole reason why I kind of started this blog...to reflect on some of my experiences and extract greater meaning from it. Everyone's life has a message, so live life to the fullest people!

But a problem that I, and probably many of us, run into with keeping our resolutions is that sometimes life can get monotonous or stressful. Solution: find more inspiration! I shared a video I often like to get inspiration from my last post, and here's another one I recently discovered (see below). It is probably way too idealistic for everyday life. However, it reminds me that there are bigger problems in the world, and there are also many opportunities to leave your mark. Seriously though...after watching it I always want to tackle that odious task I have to do for the day! For an even more epic experience, do the task while playing the bad ass superhero playlist from Songza haha Anyways, enjoy! See the note if you're kind of confused by the context of this video...

Also, check this link ( 27 Science Fictions That Became Science Facts in 2012 ) out!! How about that for some added inspiration?

Note: This speech is from the very last scene of Charlie Chaplin's movie The Great Dictator (one of my FAVORITE movies). It's a comedy about the rise and impact of the Nazi regime during WWII. Charlie Chaplin plays two roles, Hitler and a Jewish barber. During this last scene, Charlie (as the Jewish barber) is posed as Hitler through a series of events, and is now addressing the crowd of Nazi armed forces with this speech. That should explain a lot of the liberty, democracy, and machine-men references, but the video does a wonderful job of extracting this message and making it applicable to today's world.

Make It Count

It's officially the last day of 2012. I love reflecting on all that has happened this year, so since I still have insomnia I shall share them with the world! This year was a year of big risks, and even bigger rewards. Reflection always makes me hopeful, so I will also list some tentative goals I will set for myself for 2013.

For those who don't care to read the rest of this post, PLEASE at least watch this amazing, inspirational video. I always watch it to get inspired: Make It Count- Nike Fuel Band Ad

Top Memories of 2012 (in no particular order)

1. Skydiving with a good friend of mine. This technically happened towards the end of 2011, but it's too good to not share. My friend and I traveled through parts of Europe together (not to mention how she helped me through a minor European traveler's crisis), and we also decided to skydive together in Massachusetts. It was during mid-September (2011), so as we were in free fall we could see the beautiful colors of the fall foliage surrounding us. We fell from a plane 5000-7000 feet in the air. It was awesome. It was my first time. I screamed a lot, but the rush of the wind drowned out my voice.  I will never forget that feeling when your stomach drops the moment you fall out of the plane.
2. Dancing  with my Boston dance family, Static Noyze and Concept Artist. I had the honor of being on these teams when we won some major competitions in the East Coast, like WOD Boston and WOD New York. Learned and grew a lot as a dancer, so I thank them for giving me the chance to do so.
3. Getting into medical school. I can finally stop stressing out (for now) about getting into medical school. I am finally realizing my dream of becoming a doctor! A year ago before I started this process, I was praying to be accepted to just ONE school. Now I have several acceptance offers in hand. Thank you God / friends / family for helping me realize this dreammm!
4. Quitting my job. See full story here
5. Traveling to the Dominican Republic with another good friend of mine, whose name is also Steph. We went at the end of April, and it was amazing and super relaxing. We vegged out a lot. Snorkeled during a torrential thunderstorm. Walked by Marc Anthony at our resort (we were literally within arm distance away from him). For those of you who know Steph, you can ask her about her Marc Anthony sighting experience hahaha
6. Moving back home.  As much as I love Boston, I have missed LA way more. My people are here! I needed this change. Now if I can just get into a medical school in Southern California.... that would be amazing!
7. Bonding with a cancer patient. Throughout 2012, I volunteered at MGH's Cancer Infusion Unit. I have done several years of cancer research while I was at MIT, but actually meeting and helping actual cancer patients adds a very different dimension to my research experience. One patient in particular will always be in my memory. She was being treated for her breast cancer, but we bonded over our love for Italy. Her family was from Firenze, and I told her about my experiences working in Italy and traveling through Firenze during that summer. I guess this moment was the first time I felt, in a small way, responsible for her health. I will look forward to more moments like this during med school / residency.
8. Finally visiting the MoMA and Guggenheim. This is totally nerdy of me, but I have been dying to see these two museums for the longest time. I've traveled throughout Europe and made sure to visit the major art museums, but still haven't visited the MoMA and Guggenheim when they are literally 4 hours away from Boston. I never really got the chance to visit these museums because whenever I'm in New York I always want to hang out with my friends / have plans. On my last trip to NY before my move to LA, I made it a mission of mine to see these two places, and I'm so glad I did!! Wish I had more time to study certain artworks again. 
9. Laughing uncontrollably after a night out in Hollywood. It was one of my first weekends back in LA. I went out with a friend into Hollywood. We came back and we were both really tired / delirious. We couldn't really sleep either. So we settled on watching a random re-run of Cheaters. After seeing some clip of a lady charging for her cheating boyfriend, we both cracked up and laughed uncontrollably for a good 15 -20 minutes. It's the kind of laugh where you belt out like a man and gasp for breath. Being delirious can cause certain moments to be way funnier than they really are. For some reason, I liked this moment because I haven't laughed like that in years.
10. Being published...again! I was extremely ecstatic when my first research publication came out 2 years ago. This past August, we finalized our article, so I will be an author for another research publication! It will be published in PLoS Genetics sometime early 2013 :D 

Goals for 2013

1. Stay healthy. Not gonna lie...when I came to college, I definitely gained 10 pounds. Now that I graduated, I have been experimenting certain diet and exercise routines. I even juiced for a week (felt like hell for 3-4 days, but after that you feel really energized!). Now I am happy to say that after many months of experimentation, I have lost 8 of those 10 pounds and proud of it. I want to maintain this healthy lifestyle in 2013.
2. Get my dance itch out. I know in the past that I kept saying that my dance days are over. But dance is something that keeps me sane...which is why I keep going back to it? Anyways, now that this is my "year off" before I start school, I want to dance so much that I get my dance itch out, so that by the time I start school again, I would be content not dancing on a regular basis (...or at all dun dun duunnnn).
3. Paraglide. Yeah this is super random, but something I've always wanted to do. Keeping with the theme that the majority of 2013 will be my "year off", I'd like to realize this dream of mine. While the original dream was to do it over the Swiss Alps, I will settle for anywhere at this point. 
4. Be successful in school.
5. Keep in touch with family / old friends. My roommate in Boston from this year was amazing at keeping in touch with old friends. I, however, am not. I'd like to change that.
6. [Ugh this is gonna bother me so much, since my OCD- tendencies like to end lists in numbers that are multiples of 5] Capture more memories. In the past, writing in this blog was mainly to procrastinate on work or vent about something. However, I didn't realize that reading old posts is very enjoyable until now. Just as enjoyable as going through old pictures on FB or on your computer. I would like to make more of an effort to capture some of these memories in greater detail. I also just read this thought provoking article from the New York Times about recording sound vs. taking  pictures (So Many Snapshots, So Few Voices Saved). The article points out that while there are many pictures being taken on a daily basis, fewer voices / sounds are being recorded probably because sound is a function of time, which adds another hurdle or "formality" to picture-taking. I was very moved when the author described sound  / voices as "intimate... a voice that recovers memory and emotion and loss itself". Maybe something to keep in mind as I try to capture memories in 2013?

Thanks for reading! Happy New Year! 

Quit Early and Quit Often

I'm back! After a REALLY LONG BREAK. A lot of things happened since I last wrote and now. Here's a quick summary: I graduated. I got my consulting job. Quit my consulting job. Moved back home to LA. Applying to medical schools (...with some dancing on the side, of course).

Looking back on some of my old posts, I find it fascinating how I wrote some "deep" ideas and also some very silly anecdotes. But this past year, I made one of the hardest decisions, and the experience has really placed a new outlook and direction on my life. I figured this is something worth sharing, and I promise it won't be a silly anecdote!

The hardest decision I had to make was telling myself to quit my consulting job, after barely working there for a full year. I had a firm plan of getting a healthcare / life science consulting job, working there for 2 years before applying to medical schools. I thought this job would give me an understanding for how the healthcare system works and the dynamics that influence a patient's healthcare. That subject was quite mysterious for me, and something I really wanted to understand before I completely dive into the world of medicine. While I did learn a lot about this space (not to mention got a nice salary), I found myself not completely happy. Was it was the crazy 70 hour work weeks? No. Was it the people I worked with? No. Was I passionate about it? No.

I am all about hard work. But I believe that you are happiest with yourself, life, and career when you're working hard at something you are passionate about. I am very thankful I had the opportunity to work at my consulting company, but after months of working long hours for something I wasn't extremely passionate about was the ultimate deal breaker. However, the fighter personality inside me fought against this gut feeling for months. I hardly ever quit at anything, and I wasn't about to do it on my first job after college. I kept telling myself that I was just grumpy because I worked late the night before, or the amount of work was piling up.

When May 2012 rolled around, I came across a video of Professor Deepak Malhotra, a popular negotiations professor at Harvard Business School giving a speech to the graduating MBA class of 2012 (see link below). He articulated something that I had been feeling for months. He said "What makes you, you? What is your essence, and how do you create a life, and the choices, that allows you to exhibit that genius every day so that who you are, and what you're doing, aren't two different things?" He later went on to say that if what you're doing is something inherently different from who you are, then quit early... and quit often. Don't quit because something is hard, but quit because it inherently doesn't resonate with you.

I found this so enlightening that later that night, I wrote my 2-weeks notice and set the plans I had been holding at the back of my mind in motion. I loved learning about the space itself, but I dreaded everything else about the job. I wanted to be with actual patients and experience the trends I learned on the job first hand. I wanted to be a part of that decision-making process that helps improve / treat patients' health. It was definitely difficult coming to terms that I was quitting my first job sooner than I planned, but when left the office for the last time, I felt so free.

I'm glad I decided to quit. I'm now applying to medical schools for the next academic year. I am using what I learned from that job and bringing it to my part time job working with public health organizations and minority populations in LA. I am tutoring biology to high school kids. I'm spending more time with my family and friends, and picking back up the hobbies I had put on hold for a very long time. I absolutely love it!

So no matter what you're interested in, I hope that you are doing something that displays your genius. If you don't think you are, use my experience as an example, and make it happen! It's completely worth it :)



Professor Deepak Malhotra's full speech:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D73mm29XXAw

What I want for Christmas...

I visited my grandmother today at a nursing home in Gardena today. She is well over ninety years old, and she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease during my freshman year of college. Sadly, now all she can do is lie in bed. She can’t walk, talk, or eat on her own. It sucks because she was such an active and independent woman who managed to raise six kids and travel around the world even up to her late seventies by herself, and now she can’t remember all these good memories. While I was standing over her today, for the most part she stared blankly into space. But for a moment, I saw her eyes recognizing me, and she even tried to talk! At that moment, I realized that her inability to talk made this imperceptible barrier between me and her ever more real. She was unable to communicate her brief moment of awareness, and I felt I was unable to share this moment with her too.

I basically just wanted to share this story because today made me realize how special the bonds I have with my family and friends are. Rather than having this barrier that I, unfortunately, have with my grandmother, I am so lucky to have these people in my life, and appreciate the fact that they let me into theirs. The bond between two people is something that I often overlook, but sharing your daily life, dreams, and downfalls with another person is truly amazing. Just think about it! So what I truly want for Christmas this year is for everybody to be healthy and happy. I hope to live the life that my grandmother once lived, and I can’t wait to make new memories with the people in my life! Merry Christmas everybody!

P.S. If you’re interested in the philosophy and power behind language, you should read Martin Heidegger :)

To get you guys into the Christmas mood, I’m posting one of my favorite Christmas songs! Enjoy.

Aesthetics in Living Life

Oh hi there. I totally fail at keeping up with this blog! Basically traveling and going to school kind of kept me from taking the time to verbalize my thoughts. Now that the semester is over and I have some time on my hands, I decided to FINALLY write a post!


First off, I will not bore you with any excruciating details of my trip around Italy. Basically, I travelled to various cities in various provinces around Italy for a month, and it was truly an unforgettable experience. Because Mimi and I are art aficionados, about 70% of our trip was devoted to going to art museums and reveling at the sight of original artworks that we often see in art textbooks. I can’t necessarily speak for Mimi, but standing before, say the original Botticelli’s “Primavera” or walking around the Vatican in Rome or the Doges Palace in Venice, brought a consuming and surreal emotion in me that I still can’t quite describe. I guess, in part, I was mesmerized because I was in the presence of a delicate artwork that was created hundreds, even thousands of years ago. Another part was the actual aesthetic experience of looking at a painting / sculpture / monument. The size of the artwork, along with the details and luminosity that comes from recent restoration really appealed to my visual sense. Moreover, knowing a little bit about the back story to why the artwork was create and (to me most importantly) how it was created really taught me about Italian and European culture as well as appreciate the creative genius that was put into it.

The other 30% was spent on actually enjoying the city we were in. After long days of going around to different museums / historical sites, we would often take the time to explore the food and nightlife of the city. It was all good for the first half of the month, and then we realized two things. One: if you are a student and are considering traveling for over two weeks, be economical on food! Yes, it’s great to dine well while you’re on vacation, but a student like me is not made of money and food will take away your money really fast! We kind of figured this out half way through our trip so as a solution, we would try to find smaller places outside of touristy attractions (and I have had some of my best meals at these places!). There were also definitely nights when I ate cereal and milk or ramen for dinner. Yayyy :( Secondly, August is not necessarily the best month to find great nightlife…at least on the Italian peninsula. That’s because by the 2nd week of August the latest, a lot of business, including clubs and bars, are closed for the summer and everyone goes to places with beaches like Sardinia, which is ironically where we were coming from! So if you want to travel around Europe with good nightlife, consider traveling during June or July…or go to a coastal cities during August!


After getting back to America at the end of August, I was immediately occupied with the start of school. During this semester, I managed to move into an apartment with three other amazing girls in Central Square and find a job at a consulting firm that is well known in the healthcare and life science industries. Job in hand and senior year half way over, I can’t help but have mixed feelings. I am both extremely excited to start a new chapter in my life, but at the same time nostalgic and resistant for this current chapter to end. It’s funny how these two opposing motions come together, but when I am aware of an impending new milestone in my life, I can’t help but reflect back on the chapter I am on now. I reflect on all the ups and downs of my rollercoaster experiences at MIT, and I constantly question myself whether I made all the right decisions. Was there anything that I could have done better? I will never know, and honestly that’s the beauty and artistry of living life for me. Experiencing a moment is unpredictable. They can be influenced by the people you surround yourself with, the culture, and your own subjectivity; all these factors fuse together to create an organic, unpredictable experience. Because I think experiences are what shape me, I see myself as some organic, unpredictable work of art too. The fun about reflection is realizing that I am never really the same person with the same perspectives toward life. Recognizing this synthetic process that I am living through excites me about the future because I know that I will be a different person within the next two years, and I am really excited for how I will turn out.

Anyways, that’s a summary of what I’ve been going through for the last four months. Will (hopefully) rant more often now that I have more time! And as a visualization for my thoughts on "aesthetics in living life", I leave you with this amazing painting by Magritte called Empire of Light (which can be seen for your viewing pleasure at the Peggy Guggenheim Museum in Venice :D ).

2010

Several days ago, I watched the new movie "Nine" with a couple of my friends. While it had some big-name actors including Nicole Kidman, Fergie, Kate Hudson, Penelope Cruz, and Daniel Day-Lewis, Rob Marshall actually created a pretty bad rendition of Frederico Fellini's famous classic "8 1/2". I had no idea what this movie was about until I sat through it, and I was in complete shock and amusement when I figured out it was based off of  "8 1/2". I love it when that happens- when you make a connection that you aren't expecting, and in turn it makes you appreciate the moment or object even more. Anyways, "8 1/2" is a movie about the movie making process. The protagonist of the movie, Guido, actually tells the personal story of Fellini himself having a "director's block" in which he doesn't know what his nineth movie should be about. While he tries to figure out what to produce, Fellini remembers some pivotal childhood memories as well as his fantasies which are all delicately and brilliantly interwoven with reality. "Nine" however is just about some confused and distracted director who can't seem to juggle all the women in his life. Not to mention some not-so-entertaining musical numbers. This movie lacked that magic that Fellini had in his movie. Fellini masterfully uses the camera and music to create scenes of pure imagination, memories, reality, or a combination of any of the two. I guess what I really like about the movie the most is that it kind of describes my life now.

Currently I'm half way through my junior year in college. At first I started off as extremely motivated- wanting to excel and take advantage of all the opportunities my wonderful school has to offer. But once I made my little niche and experienced a fair amount of things that the school had to offer, I'm now experiencing a "student's block". School is still the same. The people are the same (though I love all my friends dearly). And now I'm a little unsure of my future. What's the next step after college? I know I wanted to go to medical school, but are there any other options? I'm restless. I want some change. I want to experience something...anything.

Something about a new year changes your mentality, though. Although I may be in a rut now, I figured that the change that I want out of life won't be handed to me. I should take life in my own hands and make something of it, and this is my resolution for 2010. I want to pour my heart and soul into everything that I do, and not half-heartedly try to figure things out like Guido does in "8 1/2". I want to make some of my imaginations and musings come to life, and this is what I hope to do this year whether it be in a small or large way.